2012 + shut up

Everyone is going crazy about this 2012 Mayan/Edgar Cayce/Apocolyptic bullshit, and all I have to say about it is that it's not going to happen and when 2013 rolls around, I guarantee you that Sarah Palin is going to come out and say "Good job fellow christians, we did it! We saved the world! Y'all prayed hard enough to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and he decided not to drown all of us in the blood of the Virgin Mary. Now vote for me and help me kill anyone with a head scarf!"

I swear to God. Or maybe I swear to Bill Maher.

autumn, before last night

The chill has embraced me, even the finest of my nose hairs and dead pores on my face and hands. Waking with the sun and sleeping far past the casual arrival of the moon, my friends waiting up for me for no reason other that to briefly say goodnight before heading off to bed. Makes me glad.

Having no money is liberating because I don't have to think of the shit I want to buy anymore. It's just no longer an issue.

I'm working with a man-boy named Theo at the Jacob Burns and I hate him.

I went on a movie binge a few days ago. I walked a few miles to a video store with a good foreign film section, and rented three movies, one of which was great, one of which was okay, and one of which was absolutely terrible.

1. "Paris Je T'aime"
This movie was utterly fantastic. A collection of short films that seamlessly flow into one another. Directed by Alfonso Cuaron, Wes Craven, the Coen Brothers, and many others. Made me fall in love with whatever it was. Watch it.

2. "Le Pact de le Loup" (brotherhood of the wolf)
Absolutely absurd movie, but really fun and pretty sweet story. see it.

3. "Woman is the Future of Man"
A south korean movie. Absolutely awful. Made me feel like life has no purpose. Even as a study of the listlessness of everyday life, mired by a lack of desire for greatness, it's a pointless film, a waste of time, a depressant.


i love you

hiiiiiii-ya!

There's this restless anxiety crawling around in my skin, begging me to do something revolutionary. I write fast-paced, slightly spastic, meandering music with very little structure, rhyme or reason, and I'm realizing that it's reflecting my current mindset. My songs will have brief, satisfying passages that flare up epically and unexpectedly, and then return to a frustrated panoply of quasi-virtuosity that has no anchor.

It's really the way I'm thinking. In all modesty I think I'm a pretty smart guy, I think I'm decently creative, I think I can do some things. I mean, if you don't think you can do something, then what's the point of trying anything?

But there's this roadblock. It's gargantuan! It's in my face all the time and I don't have the proper tools to remove it. Or maybe I do have the proper tools and I just don't know how to use them. I'm not sure.

The cure for doubtful doldrums is to create things, even if they're not perfect. You turn it into an exercise. And how can anything be perfect anyway? I find value in the imperfections, the shortcomings, the frailty, when it is coupled with the ability, the competence, the beauty. It's a mixture. And I'm starting to become consciously aware of that only recently.

It is also clear that all of the people I know, even the people I dislike, are remarkable in their own ways, and that by meeting them, I have changed and grown, and so have they by meeting me.

It's a lot like burning yourself. It's a surprising feeling that stays with you almost uncomfortably for a long time.

"I think it's a bad sign that I'm not even attracted to girls anymore," he said blankly.

The older man looked up slowly. "Someday, another one will red-rover the gestapo circling your heart. Love finds a way. Especially evil love."



i didn't write this.

Ramona, come closer,
Shut softly your watery eyes.
The pangs of your sadness
Shall pass as your senses will rise.
The flowers of the city
Though breathlike, get deathlike at times.
And there's no use in tryin'
T' deal with the dyin',
Though I cannot explain that in lines.

Your cracked country lips,
I still wish to kiss,
As to be under the strength of your skin.
Your magnetic movements
Still capture the minutes I'm in.
But it grieves my heart, love,
To see you tryin' to be a part of
A world that just don't exist.
It's all just a dream, babe,
A vacuum, a scheme, babe,
That sucks you into feelin' like this.

I can see that your head
Has been twisted and fed
By worthless foam from the mouth.
I can tell you are torn
Between stayin' and returnin'
On back to the South.
You've been fooled into thinking
That the finishin' end is at hand.
Yet there's no one to beat you,
No one t' defeat you,
'Cept the thoughts of yourself feeling bad.

I've heard you say many times
That you're better 'n no one
And no one is better 'n you.
If you really believe that,
You know you got
Nothing to win and nothing to lose.
From fixtures and forces and friends,
Your sorrow does stem,
That hype you and type you,
Making you feel
That you must be exactly like them.

I'd forever talk to you,
But soon my words,
They would turn into a meaningless ring.
For deep in my heart
I know there is no help I can bring.
Everything passes,
Everything changes,
Just do what you think you should do.
And someday maybe,
Who knows, baby,
I'll come and be cryin' to you.

- dylan

The Dream of Alice and Chris

Shooting for "The Dream of Alice and Chris" has all but wrapped. It was a highly productive week, and I'm confident that we got a lot of goodness.

I'll finish this later.

--

so now i'm finishing it.

reviewing the footage was a traumatic experience. i'm satisfied with it though.

editing will start this coming week. a few more pickup shots still need to be done.

i'm very tired.