Six-string bushido

2012 + shut up

2009-02-04T19:11:00.002-05:00

Everyone is going crazy about this 2012 Mayan/Edgar Cayce/Apocolyptic bullshit, and all I have to say about it is that it's not going to happen and when 2013 rolls around, I guarantee you that Sarah Palin is going to come out and say "Good job fellow christians, we did it! We saved the world! Y'all prayed hard enough to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and he decided not to drown all of us in the blood of the Virgin Mary. Now vote for me and help me kill anyone with a head scarf!"

I swear to God. Or maybe I swear to Bill Maher.

autumn, before last night

2008-09-19T00:05:00.002-04:00

The chill has embraced me, even the finest of my nose hairs and dead pores on my face and hands. Waking with the sun and sleeping far past the casual arrival of the moon, my friends waiting up for me for no reason other that to briefly say goodnight before heading off to bed. Makes me glad.

Having no money is liberating because I don't have to think of the shit I want to buy anymore. It's just no longer an issue.

I'm working with a man-boy named Theo at the Jacob Burns and I hate him.

2008-04-25T13:41:00.003-04:00

I went on a movie binge a few days ago. I walked a few miles to a video store with a good foreign film section, and rented three movies, one of which was great, one of which was okay, and one of which was absolutely terrible.

1. "Paris Je T'aime"
This movie was utterly fantastic. A collection of short films that seamlessly flow into one another. Directed by Alfonso Cuaron, Wes Craven, the Coen Brothers, and many others. Made me fall in love with whatever it was. Watch it.

2. "Le Pact de le Loup" (brotherhood of the wolf)
Absolutely absurd movie, but really fun and pretty sweet story. see it.

3. "Woman is the Future of Man"
A south korean movie. Absolutely awful. Made me feel like life has no purpose. Even as a study of the listlessness of everyday life, mired by a lack of desire for greatness, it's a pointless film, a waste of time, a depressant.

i love you

hiiiiiii-ya!

2008-04-14T16:18:00.004-04:00

There's this restless anxiety crawling around in my skin, begging me to do something revolutionary. I write fast-paced, slightly spastic, meandering music with very little structure, rhyme or reason, and I'm realizing that it's reflecting my current mindset. My songs will have brief, satisfying passages that flare up epically and unexpectedly, and then return to a frustrated panoply of quasi-virtuosity that has no anchor.

It's really the way I'm thinking. In all modesty I think I'm a pretty smart guy, I think I'm decently creative, I think I can do some things. I mean, if you don't think you can do something, then what's the point of trying anything?

But there's this roadblock. It's gargantuan! It's in my face all the time and I don't have the proper tools to remove it. Or maybe I do have the proper tools and I just don't know how to use them. I'm not sure.

The cure for doubtful doldrums is to create things, even if they're not perfect. You turn it into an exercise. And how can anything be perfect anyway? I find value in the imperfections, the shortcomings, the frailty, when it is coupled with the ability, the competence, the beauty. It's a mixture. And I'm starting to become consciously aware of that only recently.

It is also clear that all of the people I know, even the people I dislike, are remarkable in their own ways, and that by meeting them, I have changed and grown, and so have they by meeting me.

It's a lot like burning yourself. It's a surprising feeling that stays with you almost uncomfortably for a long time.

2008-04-05T14:32:00.004-04:00

"I think it's a bad sign that I'm not even attracted to girls anymore," he said blankly.

The older man looked up slowly. "Someday, another one will red-rover the gestapo circling your heart. Love finds a way. Especially evil love."

i didn't write this.

2008-04-04T17:57:00.001-04:00

Ramona, come closer,
Shut softly your watery eyes.
The pangs of your sadness
Shall pass as your senses will rise.
The flowers of the city
Though breathlike, get deathlike at times.
And there's no use in tryin'
T' deal with the dyin',
Though I cannot explain that in lines.

Your cracked country lips,
I still wish to kiss,
As to be under the strength of your skin.
Your magnetic movements
Still capture the minutes I'm in.
But it grieves my heart, love,
To see you tryin' to be a part of
A world that just don't exist.
It's all just a dream, babe,
A vacuum, a scheme, babe,
That sucks you into feelin' like this.

I can see that your head
Has been twisted and fed
By worthless foam from the mouth.
I can tell you are torn
Between stayin' and returnin'
On back to the South.
You've been fooled into thinking
That the finishin' end is at hand.
Yet there's no one to beat you,
No one t' defeat you,
'Cept the thoughts of yourself feeling bad.

I've heard you say many times
That you're better 'n no one
And no one is better 'n you.
If you really believe that,
You know you got
Nothing to win and nothing to lose.
From fixtures and forces and friends,
Your sorrow does stem,
That hype you and type you,
Making you feel
That you must be exactly like them.

I'd forever talk to you,
But soon my words,
They would turn into a meaningless ring.
For deep in my heart
I know there is no help I can bring.
Everything passes,
Everything changes,
Just do what you think you should do.
And someday maybe,
Who knows, baby,
I'll come and be cryin' to you.

- dylan

The Dream of Alice and Chris

2008-04-02T23:01:00.002-04:00

Shooting for "The Dream of Alice and Chris" has all but wrapped. It was a highly productive week, and I'm confident that we got a lot of goodness.

I'll finish this later.

--

so now i'm finishing it.

reviewing the footage was a traumatic experience. i'm satisfied with it though.

editing will start this coming week. a few more pickup shots still need to be done.

i'm very tired.

hep hep hep

2008-04-01T02:51:00.001-04:00

When the arsenic sting of a loveless cynicism finds its way into your veins, you are doomed.

If my heart is at war, it's soldiers are dying. If my heart is at war, it's soldiers are dead.

Musicals, Pit Bulls, Pajamas.

2008-03-14T13:02:00.003-04:00

As I walked into my apartment last night, I was met with a most unexpected, but very welcome surprise.

Omata, Jason, Aaron, Kevin, Anya, Ian, Aleks, Orien, Chen and Ryan were all sitting around inside, chilling. My mind was blown because no one told me they'd be coming. It was such an awesome surprise. We almost never see each other anymore in big groups, so this was grandtastic.

The evening was comprised of a review of the Tessera Arts Fest footage from last year which is, if I do say so myself, effing sweet. Then we went to eat, and talked about all sorts of bullshit. And when we came home, Orien, Chen, Omata and me played a weird round of guitarmageddon.

But the real highlight of yesterday, if not the past month, was when I defeated a pitbull in single combat.

I was walking to Lucio's and this fucking pitbull monsterdog starts charging down a hill at me, screaming furiously. I see it and instantly think "I am going to die, right here and right now". I don't know why, but instead of running, I turned towards the pitbull and charged at it, roaring as loud as I could. The monster stopped in it's tracks, staring at me in surprise. I kept running at it as fast as i could, and the dog yelped, turned tail, and fled.

I stood there, reveling in the unexpected glory. God that was sweet. God.

I was thinking to myself yesterday and I decided that girls are very attractive in pajamas. I don't know why I'm writing this in my blog. But it's true. Pajamas are mad sexy.

Anyway. Good night and good luck.

sharky sharky. look, i made a rhyme.

2008-03-06T13:40:00.001-05:00

I had a dream last night that I was being dragged into the ocean by a Hammerhead shark. Before it was able to completely drown/eat me, I grabbed a broom that happened to be laying on the beach, and beat the shark in the face until it released me.

I subsequently wrote an internationally best-selling book on how to defeat hammerhead sharks, and gave demonstration seminars for a few years, making millions while ridding the world of those dangerous beasts.

Unfortunately, I woke up, and now I'm at work.

brakhage

2008-02-26T14:05:00.003-05:00

The oscar party at Kazu's was sweet. Kazu's house is always fun. And spacing out to Brakhage shorts while hungry and deliriously tired is kinda cool too.

I walked into Chase bank this morning and unwittingly sat down next to my boss, KP. I saw him out of the corner of my eye after a few moments and felt an horrible thrill of terror rush through my body. He sees me, his face inflates, and he stands up and yells to the bank at large, "Tymon! He is a good boy!"

I melted.

He then had me do errands for him, he bought me lunch, and when i asked him if I could take a day off from work every week for martial arts classes, he agreed and even said he'd pay for them. Holy shit.

I'll probably end up watching Lost in Translation tonight with omata. "I have it in both widescreen AND full screen," he told me last night, "because i fucking love this movie."

it better be good.

Recommended Film: "mothlight" by s. brakhage

Recommended Music: The Figurines

Recommended Reading: 100 Years of Solitude

Recommended Video Game: FF Tactics

Recommended Food: Chicken & Brie Panini

Recommended Drink: Cranberry juice

Recommended Cigar: Nat Sherman Suave

Recommended Actress: Eva Green

Recommended Person: me

Recommended Recommendation: poopy

The Assassination!

2008-02-21T13:41:00.006-05:00

I haven't been following the Oscar nominations very closely this year, even though I've been looking forward very much to watching them this sunday; so I was surprised to discover that one of the best films from last year, "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford", was almost entirely overlooked.

This was without a doubt one of, if not the best film from last year. The performances from everyone involved were absolutely stellar; Brad Pitt has matured into an impeccable actor, totally capable of expressing any emotion or desire on-screen. He WAS Jesse James; the viewer is completely convinced that they are watching footage from a secret camera that was somehow present during all of James' exploits, detailing his dementia and unexplained desires.
Sam Rockwell, also, has becomea serious actor. I didn't think it was possible. I had always loved his work in comic films, but that's just it - I only thought of him as a comedic actor. This movie has completely changed my perception of what he's capable of.
But the real star of this show is Casey Affleck. His character, Robert Ford, is depicted in history as a cowardly opportunist; whether or not this is a fair label for him is something the film never clearly states. The decision is left open-ended for the viewer to make.

Regardless of what the history books say about Ford, Affleck portrayed his character astronomically. His big brother Ben should be ashamed of himself - Casey is such an incomparably superior actor to Ben that it's almost funny. The younger Affleck portrayed Robert Ford for everything that he was; an enthusiastic, immature, ambitious, jealous, mystique-obsessed teenage boy, that hero-worshiped the very ground that Jesse James walked upon.
The film was put together in a pseudo-documentary/drama style; very uniquely done. It was all the more intense because it laid the entire story at your feet in the beginning of the movie, so the whole time you're anxiously expecting the culmination of actions you already know will happen. This added an element of deep, manic tension that stays with you after the film has ended. The scene in which Ford assassinates Jesse James swoops down on you, unexpectedly, and the moment before the deed is committed, you know it's about to happen. It gave me a feeling similar to the unpleasant thrill you feel when you know you're about to throw up, or the feeling when you skip a step on stairs in the dark.
The fact that this film wasn't nominated for anything but Best Supporting actor (Casey Affleck, who deserves it more than anyone) is upsetting. It's unfortunate that more people haven't seen this masterpiece.

Bon Iver

2008-02-04T19:19:00.002-05:00

My good friend Elysia showed me the music of Bon Iver recently. I didn't pay much attention to him until today. His album "For Emma, Forever Ago" is some of the best music I have ever heard. I truly feel like I've found one of the most important musical creations I'll ever find in my lifetime. One of the highlights:

"Someday my pain, someday my pain
Will mark you
Harness your blame, harness your blame
And walk through

With the wild wolves around you
In the morning, I'll call you
Send it farther on"

~ The Wolves (Act I and II)

The tenderness and strength in his falsetto is so far unparalleled. When he sings in his normal register, it's like he's taking whatever painful and joyful events from his life that inspired this album and slamming them into you; they become you.

He spent three months in isolation in a cabin in Wisconsin, and this album was the result. Iver's myspace has two songs on it that perfectly capture the epic, simple, complicated, sincere power and soul that he somehow harnessed.

This music is feeding my soul. It's making me believe in God. It's healing me.

I tell my love to wreck it all

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Right in the moment this order's tall

!!!

2008-02-04T01:54:00.000-05:00

It's like this real, visceral heat that I can feel. It's destructive/love songs. She's gone, baby, gone. And yet it lingers.

hoping.

2008-01-10T21:45:00.000-05:00

I've grown so accustomed to the physical pain of love sickness, that it'll be a strange thing when the day comes in which it resides in my heart no longer.

I won't miss it.

goodness knows!

2008-01-03T21:54:00.000-05:00

she loves you yeah, yeah yeah!
with a love like that
you know you should be glad.

I'M FUCKING GLAD.

The New Year

2008-01-01T01:04:00.000-05:00

We have successfully survived through the year, and have emerged in a blaze of muted glory into this fresh territory that is 2008.

I am eating a tangerine, listening to a mix of Talking Heads, Sufjan Stevens, Third Eye Blind, Kings of Convenience and Frusciante. The snow is falling outside of my 6 foot window into a sublime, perfect blanket, covering the existing three foot snowfall already staking its claim upon my family's land.

I've been in a strange mode lately. It's like I don't care about anything. I feel that. But it's not true. I care about everything. I care about music, my guitar, my dogs, my cat, my friends, my family, my house, my clothes, my beard, my writing and my ambitions. Why can't I grasp that? Where is this obstacle coming from?

Are we obligated to progress after midnight of December 31st? Is it a pre-requisite to joining the throng of billions waking up with hangovers the next morning? If it is then simply fuck it.

She said she's content. She'll never how miserable that made me. I care(d) so deeply about her but it'll never happen. O unrequited love how poisonous you are! I can never tell her.

This, state of being torn. It is beyond horrible. Religious guilt and duty. What a joke. Yet it lingers.

May god bless the widows and the fatherless and the ones without love.

Yet art brings light and life.

Darjeeling Limited gave me a strange fuel that did not extinguish and still burns. I don't know what it was about that movie, but it strengthened me. I think it's because I relate to it. I have two brothers, and I've always wondered "if we could've been friends in real life. Not as brothers, but as people." I'll never know.

So much music that heals and hardens the soul. O what a world.

I feel more comfortable posting these things here because I know it's a sure thing that few will read it. The comforts of Internet Obscurity.

Happy(?) New Year, everyone. I love you.

2007-12-30T21:29:00.000-05:00

Here is your father, your reluctant guide
You're a rebellious daughter, you'd be a volatile bride
Terrible in wrath, but gentle in prayer
Confident in prose and prone to care
How many things could you change with your words?
The number is few, but well deserved
Love in all lands is mingled with grief
No one's counting on you to bring relief
Yet you try all the same though it's mostly in vain
For you are a rebellious daughter

foreigner

2007-12-30T00:59:00.004-05:00

functioning properly is becoming almost impossible

i don't know what i'm going to do

king's crossing

2007-12-27T20:30:00.000-05:00

I am currently in the worst place of my life i've ever been in. I am perpetually miserable and lack the motivation to do pretty much anything. I have no money, no job, no driver's license, and no direction. I'm at my parent's house right now because I have nowhere to go and all of my best laid plans have failed. I fight with my dad often every day. I wake up in the afternoon and miss the day, the snow and cold saps my energy and I howl every second about over a girl, and I constantly doubt whether or not it'll work out. I doubt myself and my purpose and the world and it's purpose.
There's nowhere for me to go and nothing I can do to occupy myself. My family has no sense of personal boundaries, which makes trying to be alone almost impossible. Being in Maine is horrible for this as well. There's no life here.
I can't stand this. I loathe myself for being such a bitch about it too. But there's not a fuckin thing I feel motivated to do about it.

What did she say?

2007-12-22T01:01:00.000-05:00

A new blog deserves an interesting story.

My dad and I were talking about something random and kinda funny earlier today. I don't remember what. I said something slightly off-color that could also be taken literally, and he said "that's what she said."

I laughed appreciatively at my dad's unexpected use of the phrase (for anyone that knows him, he is and I are polar opposites and generally stump each other with our jokes ((only because he doesn't understand a damn thing about our generation's sense of humor)), but otherwise he's great). He looked at me curiously, asking me what was funny. I blinked for a second.

"What do you mean? You just said 'That's what she said', that's what's funny." He looked at me, perplexed.

"Why is that funny?" He asked me.

"What? Why did you just say it if you don't know what it means?" I asked him, confused. What was going on?

"Yeah," he said, "I said that because that really IS what she said. I don't understand what you're talking about, Tymon."

I stared at him in awe. He had never heard of the phrase "that's what she said". I don't know how this is possible, but it's true.

Over the course of 20 minutes I tried to explain the concept of "that's what she said" to him, but it was useless.

"Dad, people say 'that's what she said' after someone says something that could be taken out of context as dirty," i explained calmly. He just shook his head.

"I don't get it. That doesn't make any sense." I gave him the same sympathetic look I give to all children with disabilities.

"Dad, the phrase is supposed to turn a perfectly innocent phrase or sentence into something sexually inappropriate, for the amusement of those gathered around, the satisfaction of the one that says it, and the embarrassment of the hapless plebe that uttered the formerly innocuous phrase. Example: John says to Jim, after they've eaten dinner with their friends, 'Wow, that was delicious.' Then Bob, sitting across from them, says with a sly grin, 'That's what she said.' Then the whole table starts laughing, or at least grinning and chuckling, John feels like an idiot, and Bob feels like a fuckin man." I spread my arms in a manner that said "Do you fucking get it?"

To my chagrin, father still did not understand. "That's ridiculous. Why does it have to be sexual? She could say that while sitting on a mountain top, or making a sandwich, it doesn't have to be while she's making--"

"Okay okay okay. You don't get it. Nevermind."

Jesus.