Here is your father, your reluctant guide
You're a rebellious daughter, you'd be a volatile bride
Terrible in wrath, but gentle in prayer
Confident in prose and prone to care
How many things could you change with your words?
The number is few, but well deserved
Love in all lands is mingled with grief
No one's counting on you to bring relief
Yet you try all the same though it's mostly in vain
For you are a rebellious daughter

foreigner

functioning properly is becoming almost impossible

i don't know what i'm going to do

king's crossing

I am currently in the worst place of my life i've ever been in. I am perpetually miserable and lack the motivation to do pretty much anything. I have no money, no job, no driver's license, and no direction. I'm at my parent's house right now because I have nowhere to go and all of my best laid plans have failed. I fight with my dad often every day. I wake up in the afternoon and miss the day, the snow and cold saps my energy and I howl every second about over a girl, and I constantly doubt whether or not it'll work out. I doubt myself and my purpose and the world and it's purpose.
There's nowhere for me to go and nothing I can do to occupy myself. My family has no sense of personal boundaries, which makes trying to be alone almost impossible. Being in Maine is horrible for this as well. There's no life here.
I can't stand this. I loathe myself for being such a bitch about it too. But there's not a fuckin thing I feel motivated to do about it.

What did she say?

A new blog deserves an interesting story.

My dad and I were talking about something random and kinda funny earlier today. I don't remember what. I said something slightly off-color that could also be taken literally, and he said "that's what she said."

I laughed appreciatively at my dad's unexpected use of the phrase (for anyone that knows him, he is and I are polar opposites and generally stump each other with our jokes ((only because he doesn't understand a damn thing about our generation's sense of humor)), but otherwise he's great). He looked at me curiously, asking me what was funny. I blinked for a second.

"What do you mean? You just said 'That's what she said', that's what's funny." He looked at me, perplexed.

"Why is that funny?" He asked me.

"What? Why did you just say it if you don't know what it means?" I asked him, confused. What was going on?

"Yeah," he said, "I said that because that really IS what she said. I don't understand what you're talking about, Tymon."

I stared at him in awe. He had never heard of the phrase "that's what she said". I don't know how this is possible, but it's true.

Over the course of 20 minutes I tried to explain the concept of "that's what she said" to him, but it was useless.

"Dad, people say 'that's what she said' after someone says something that could be taken out of context as dirty," i explained calmly. He just shook his head.

"I don't get it. That doesn't make any sense." I gave him the same sympathetic look I give to all children with disabilities.

"Dad, the phrase is supposed to turn a perfectly innocent phrase or sentence into something sexually inappropriate, for the amusement of those gathered around, the satisfaction of the one that says it, and the embarrassment of the hapless plebe that uttered the formerly innocuous phrase. Example: John says to Jim, after they've eaten dinner with their friends, 'Wow, that was delicious.' Then Bob, sitting across from them, says with a sly grin, 'That's what she said.' Then the whole table starts laughing, or at least grinning and chuckling, John feels like an idiot, and Bob feels like a fuckin man." I spread my arms in a manner that said "Do you fucking get it?"

To my chagrin, father still did not understand. "That's ridiculous. Why does it have to be sexual? She could say that while sitting on a mountain top, or making a sandwich, it doesn't have to be while she's making--"

"Okay okay okay. You don't get it. Nevermind."

Jesus.